Tips & Advice
Start Off On The Right Foot
Be more interesting than a text message.
Be authentic. If your profile is honest, sincere and sparks interest, you’ll have a much better chance of finding someone you both mutually want to be with, and stay with!
Short is not so sweet. Make sure you tell more about yourself than a text message! If your profile is too short, people will not have the interest to find out more. You don’t want your messages to wind up deleted by someone you have a real interest in.
Be positive. Remember, a “glass is half full” perspective is always more inviting then a “glass is half empty”. You don’t need to lie, but this is not the time for your insecurities or doubts. Tell the truth from a positive perspective! What do you enjoy doing? What have you done? Why are you interested in a relationship?
Don’t be a show off. It will cause the people reading your profile to question your authenticity or make them feel like they couldn’t measure up.
Leave the past behind. Leave out your previous relationships and marriage(s). Think about it, would you be excited to hear about theirs?
Be current. If you were in a career and are now doing something different, make sure you include it. When your information is outdated it leaves the impression that you don’t want to be bothered, and that could be the impression your date has when they meet you in person.
Get help. Go over your profile with a good friend and ask for an honest opinion. Friends always see things in you that you don’t see in yourself.
Protect children. We know that most people love their children, but it’s important for them and for you that you leave them out of your profile. You can mention that you have children, how many and general ages, but don’t provide their names or genders, and definitely don’t include them in pictures! When you connect with someone, there will be plenty of time for them to find out more about your children.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Your profile photos make an impression. This is not the time for you to be shy! You’re 10 times more likely to get someone looking at your profile if you include at least one picture of yourself. Follow these guidelines to avoid putting the wrong pictures up:
No exes. No matter how great you look in a photo, half an arm or an obscured face of the person standing next to you will result in all sorts of questions and could sabotage your chances.
No Children. Your children are special to you and you owe it to them to keep them safe. No one needs to see their pictures until you are in a real dating relationship for a while.
Vanity. You might think you’re the hottest thing on the planet, or should be on the cover of a fitness magazine, but do you really want to be seen as that vain? It’s more of a turn off than you might realize, so it’s best to keep your top on for now.
Party Animal. Everyone likes a good night out but falling out of the dress or just plain falling over may not be what your potential date is looking for so keep it friendly, fun and sober.
Pets. They might be your best companion, but they don’t help you attract someone else to be in your life. It’s best to keep pictures of your pets out of your profile.
Costumes. You might think it’s cute that you were dressed like Goofy at the office party, but it’s probably not appealing to people viewing your profile. There will be plenty of opportunity for your matches to find out what a fun person you are.
Taking The Next Step
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Get in the game. You won’t get very far if you sit there waiting for your soul mate to just show up. Once you’ve completed your profile, get in touch with people. It shows you’re interested and doesn’t leave your future to fate.
Take your time. Don’t let your message fall on deaf ears. Take your time. Think about what you want to write. Put yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself, “If you received your email would you want to know more?”
Sleep on it. There’s no pressure to send a message right away when you see someone you’re interested in. If you’re not sure, sleep on it and look at it the next day. You’ll have a fresh outlook that will make a positive difference.
Show some respect. Communicate, communicate, communicate! If you’re going to be late, or can’t make it at all, then let the other person know! There’s nothing worse than waiting in bad weather or ending up alone in a restaurant.
Be yourself. Don’t start off your relationship with a series of lies about some glamorous past, or present, that isn’t true. The other person will eventually find out and it will ruin any chance of a great relationship. Be positive. Let them know what you’ve done, where you’ve been, what you like. The best relationships are built on trust.
Where the rubber meets the road.
Stay calm. You’ve exchanged messages, there’s a connection, and now it’s time to meet each other in person. Relax, stay calm, and don’t panic!
Balance is the key. It’s completely natural for you to have some anxiety or nervousness before meeting someone for the first time. The key to having a great date is a little bit of confidence – not over confidence and not arrogance.
Enjoy yourself. Don’t focus on yourself and how you’re doing. Focus on the other person and getting to know them. If you are more interested in enjoying yourself rather than impressing the other person, you’ll help both of you relax and have a great time.
Be comfortable. Wear something comfortable and flattering. It will help make you happy and relaxed for the date.
Be positive. This can never be emphasized enough. Your date will pick up on the way you are. You don’t want to be fake, but it’s important for you to have a positive perspective in life.
Don’t worry. There are other dates out there. If the person says no, it doesn’t mean anything. Take your pride out of the picture and move on. You’ll be that much closer to a person who truly wants to date you.
Be courageous. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to act in the face of it. You might be experiencing fear or self-doubt, but don’t let it take over your mind. There are always two general scenarios. Spend your time thinking about having a great evening and getting to know someone better.
Prepare yourself. Do something to help you relax beforehand. Feel good about yourself and your life. You could try watching your favorite movie, listening to your favorite music, or reading a part of your favorite book. Call a friend you KNOW will encourage you.
Be smart. You might be excited to meet that person you communicated with online, but before you grab your coat for a secret rendezvous, be smart and stay safe!
Public venues. Always meet in a public place that has other people around.
Tell a friend. Tell someone where you are going. When you are leaving and when you plan to be back. Arrange to call your friend when you’re in your car and headed home.
Drive yourself. Don’t let your date pick you up. It gives the person premature access to your personal information and reduces your safety and the safety of any children still living at home.
Cell Phone. Make sure you have your cell phone that is fully charged. If it’s a pre-paid cell phone, make sure there’s still credit on it.
Don’t hesitate. If you feel uncomfortable or don’t want to continue talking, you can ALWAYS politely leave.
Stay away from home. Do not arrange any dates in your own home, or theirs.
Not until you’re ready. You don’t need to reveal your full name, address, telephone number or email until you are comfortable in doing so. Avoid providing that information on the first date.
Don’t be a lush. A drink or two is okay, but do not get drunk under ANY circumstance. Going wild on your date makes you look foolish and puts you at potential risk.
Don’t be social. Spend the time with your date. Keep your phone on silent and stay off all social media. It gives your date the respect he or she deserves.
Listen twice as much as you speak. You can learn a lot about someone from what they say and how they say it. Not paying attention or being more interested in yourself than the other person will not leave you in the best place to determine if a second date is what you really want.
Some Final Advice
Tips for Both
It’s all in the details.
Appearance. Your hygiene and appearance matter. Make an effort in both and you’ll be on the road to success.
Avoid silence. You don’t have to have those awkward silences. With a little planning ahead of time, you’ll have plenty of subjects to talk about.
Respect their time. Don’t keep each other waiting. If you have to be late, make sure you let the other person know.
Leave your baggage at home. Trust me, your date doesn’t want to hear about your past relationship experiences, especially if they were bad. Not at the beginning of the date, not in the middle of the date, and not at the end of the date. Not before drinks and not after drinks. Not at all!
Don’t smother. Too much, too soon will scare your date off. If you like someone, you should definitely let them know. You just don’t need to pledge your heart and soul on the first date.
Don’t be cruel. If you’re not interested after the first date, please let the person down gently. Simply let them know it’s not working. You don’t need to let them know what you don’t like, even if they pressure you for it.
Tips for Him
Tough and tender.
Admire your date. It may have taken you only 20 minutes to get ready, but she probably spent well over an hour. It took her some time to look that good, so let her know you appreciate it!
Close to her. Pick a public place close to where she lives or works for the first date. Driving or walking far will not be the best scenario for her, especially if she’s wearing heals.
Show some ambition. Women like men with ambition, even if you’re retired. Make sure you have a story about your career path, or something exciting or adventurous you’re up to right now.
Be informed. Looking good is pretty easy. Sounding informed and intelligent may take a bit more work. Make sure you’re up to date with current affairs.
Show interest. Find out what your date does, what she likes, where she’s been. Then listen twice as much as you talk.
Cut the humor. She’s not interested in a comedy show, regardless of how funny your friends say you are. Witty works. Comedy does not.
Tips for Her
Soft and strong.
Laugh. Laugh at his jokes; all of them. Earnestly. He will know if you’re faking it.
Be modest. You can wear something flattering and modest. You want him focused on you and what you’re saying, not what’s below your neck line.
Best environment. If a romantic restaurant is too much for you on the first date, suggest something different and a bit more fun. Horseback riding, bowling, the state fair, or a local festival may be the perfect place for both of you to be comfortable. Be reasonable, though. Suggesting skydiving may not lead to a second date.
Maintain some intrigue. You don’t need to tell him everything about you on the first date. Keeping some things secret will help lead to a second date.
Be interested. Let’s face it, many women love to talk. It’s so important for you to learn about your date. Try not to dominate the conversation. And whatever you do, listen when he speaks. Pay attention. It shows respect for him and helps you determine if you want a second date.
Don’t be clingy. You can contact him after the date. Calling him or texting him is fine. Just don’t stalk him. Do one or the other, then wait for him to respond. There’s nothing worse than a woman who seems desperate.
Protect yourself. 75% of all rapes are committed by a date or acquaintance and 25% of women raped report that drugs were a factor. This is not to scare you, but you must be smart. If you must get up to use the restroom during dinner, don’t come back and finish your drink. This is critical until you know the person better. Gently let the waiter or waitress know you think you see something in the glass and need a fresh drink. It’s subtle and it protects you.